A Mystic's Take on Insomnia
Is NOT falling asleep a gift, too?
To hear the related 5-minute audio file that I uploaded today as my Morning Journal flash briefing for Alexa devices, please click on the play button:
Not a Bad Way to End the Day
I got fewer than five hours of sleep last night.
My worn-out condition this morning led me to review a question I asked James Finley during an online course he presented last month. The course was titled “Turning to the Mystics: An Interior Pilgrimage.”
My question, which I feared was a dumb one—always the best kind—was this: “What is the difference between my formal sitting meditation and what I do when I’m trying to fall asleep?”
From the Vimeo transcript of the session, I have extracted the parts of his response that meant the most to me.
He began by including meditation and falling asleep as two of the “endless modalities, each distinct from each other” that are included in the underlying unity of God.
Jim said he, too, suffers from insomnia.
“It’s very mysterious to go to sleep,” he continued, “because when you fall asleep you disappear from yourself.” And: “There’s a point where you can’t watch yourself fall asleep, because you disappear.”
To fall asleep is a gift, he said. Amen to that!
He surprised me by adding this: “I have to accept that my inability to fall asleep is also a gift, because the acceptance of my powerlessness to fall asleep is the presence of God’s oneness with me in that powerlessness.”
He suggested reciting the Jesus Prayer as a way to fall asleep.
Sometimes that works for me, but it didn’t last night. The practice, which is the same when I am sitting in my meditation closet, is silently to recite, “Lord Jesus Christ” on the in-breath and “Have mercy upon me” on the out-breath.
“By quietly saying the Jesus Prayer,” Jim said, “the thoughts can fall away. And even concern that you can’t sleep falls away. Somehow it can be like the gateway into falling asleep. Not a bad way to end the day.”
My father also suffered from insomnia. I’m not sure if he ever tried the Jesus Prayer.
As this long, tired day winds down I recall Dad’s sure-fire way to get a good night’s sleep.
“It helps to go to bed exhausted,” Dad would say.
That’s my plan tonight.
My latest technique is to listen to a podcast called The Ancients when I can’t sleep. I almost always fall asleep before the end of an episode about some ancient Roman emperor or life in ancient civilizations. Also, if you don’t fret about how little sleep you got, it seems to matter less during the following day.
Hah. Superb piece. Insomnia: the ultimate Zen teacher.